Last week we spent a lovely time in Paris! At last!! The first three days we were at a conference with all the other folks working in France..we are now the biggest team in a country, at one time loads of missionaries were going over to Africa, now it seems Europe is under scrutiny..the forgotten continent! Great news..

The three top dogs from our mission came over to spent the time with us which was a real blessing ( Forgive me chaps for calling you top dogs, but you know what I mean!) The three of them gave messages of real encouragement, the main theme  being "Don't worry...just trust me" We heard about Elijah, who felt like giving up after God used him in an amazing way..about Jesus' words to Jairus, "Don't be afraid, just believe"

It was a good few days in many ways, though sometimes like many folks I go through times of feeling inadequate, useless, & not recognised for what I do...ok, lots of things to think about here! The sin of unbelief, pride, arrogance, hmm....

Someone once said to me " no one appreciates what I do, it's not fair"  A Christian like me..my reply "God sees what you do, that's the most important thing!"
Satan will use our weaknesses & blow them up out of all proportion..we look at other Christians & feel totally useless, after all they seem to be living a "victorious life, full of joy in the Lord, God is using them in an amazing way..what am I doing?" Where was it that Elijah heard God's voice? It wasn't in the powerful wind, or in the earthquake, but in a quiet whisper..So although God is certainly working in the powerful wind so to speak, he is also using each of us in the way he knows best, and sometimes it's in the quiet whisper type of way..We don't have to be involved in amazing outreach, student work, running around from person to person for God to use us, he can use us in the quiet moments, over a cup of tea with a person who is going through difficult times, sometimes just a hand on a shoulder to show someone you care.

Where do these feelings of inadequacy come from..well I guess for me, it's always been with me, but even more so since I came to France. Before I was married I was used to being in charge of a hospice of 30 or so terminally ill patients, making descisions  about medication, whether or not they could go home, whether or not to call in the family or let them sleep..all sorts of things.
I went from there to work in a nursing home for a few months after we were married, which was a real culture shock: the nursing home I mean! Then from there to a palliative day care centre once or twice a week..once the children were older.
 So I suppose that the changes over the years from career lady to wife & mum (I love being a wife & mum, wouldn't change it for the world) have perhaps something to do with it.Again I'm at that time when life is changing again..the children are teenagers now, more independant & able to make there own descisions ( o how do you spell that word?!)

The bible is such a practical book, thought it's not easy to put it into practices of course, but the Word of God is full of wisdom & help..

"Why are you downcast o my soul?
Why so disturbed within my?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him
my Saviour and my God"  psalm 42

The psalmist doesn't say "I'll praise God if  I feel like doing so" , he is determined to do so, whatever he is feeling, & often we find that if we praise God, be it just singing a song or chorus, our hearts are lifted up to praise!

So where does this leave us? 'Don't be afraid, just trust me" God knows what he is doing in our lives, at whatever time of life we may find ourselves, thought sometimes it's hard, & yes we may find ourselves crying our eyes out , God is always aware of our circumstances, and anyway, what do I really have to be downcast about?

"In making an extensive analysis of this subject we must proceed along two lines. First of all, we must deal with the Biblical teaching concerning this matter...It is good, always to start with the Bible where there is explicit teaching on every condition and it is also good to look at examples and illustrations from the same source"
 Martyn Lloyd Jones, Spiritual Depression, it's causes and cure